best of 2014.

I have been trying to come up with something to say about this year and I keep finding myself failing. The events of the recent months and weeks have made it tempting to look back at 2014 and see nothing but darkness. That would be one way to choose to think about the past 12 months. I could choose to let the injustice, the anger and the sadness overshadow the great relief that was the completion of my master's degree or the small joys of family vacations or the answer to prayer that was full-time employment. 

Then I start thinking about choice. It's something I talk about with the people I work with on a daily basis. The power of choice. The paradox of choice. The freedom of choice. Choice seems to be the one thing that is granted to all of us, even in moments when it seems there are no options. We've spent a lot of time judging other people's choices. How would you choose to react if you felt your life was in danger? What would you choose if someone was threatening your family? How do you determine what sort of milk to purchase? What is the best thing to say in this situation? How am I supposed to feel about that?

Having the time to think about what music I listen to and why is a luxury. That is not lost on me. Having the time to type about it, to make lists, to consider what qualifies an album for such lists feels more wasteful now than ever before. I have three kids at home. I work six days a week. There is always something to do. Do I feel guilty about choosing to write about music this week? Yes. I feel guilty about everything. That's a choice.

Here are 50 other choices I've made:

50. Anjou - Anjou
49. The Preatures - Blue Planet Eyes
48. How to Dress Well - "What is This Heart?" 
47. Caribou - Our Love
46. Perfume Genius - Too Bright

45. Interpol - El Pintor
44. Ricky Eat Acid - Three Love Songs
43. MØ - No Mythologies to Follow
42. Aphex Twin - Syro
41. Flying Lotus - You're Dead! 

40. Shabazz Palaces - Lese Majesty
39. La Sera - Hour of the Dawn
38. Wara from the NBHD - Kidnapped 
37. Warpaint - Warpaint
36. Millie and Andrea - Drop the Vowels

35. Future Islands - Singles
34. The Roots - ...and Then You Shoot Your Cousin
33. Frankie Cosmos - Zentropy
32. Nothing - Guilty of Everything
31. Freddie Gibbs and Mablib - Pinata

30. Have a Nice Life - The Unnatural World
29. Ought - More Than Any Other Day
28. Merchandise - After the End
27. Steve Gunn - Way Out Weather
26. Sylvan Esso - Sylvan Esso

25. Lydia Ainsworth - Right From Real
24. Parquet Courts - Sunbathing Animal
23. The Antlers - Familiars
22. Cloud Nothings - Here and Nowhere Else
21. Spoon - They Want My Soul

20. Step Brothers - Lord Steppington 
19. Actress  - Ghettoville
18. Real Estate - Atlas
17. Hundred Waters - The Moon Rang Like a Bell
16. Beck - Morning Phase

15. Marissa Nadler - July
14. Common - Nobody's Smiling
13. The Men - Tomorrow's Hits
12. St. Vincent - St. Vincent
11. Ty Segall - Manipulator

10. Mac Demarco - Salad Days
  9. Wye Oak - Shriek
  8. D'Angelo and the Vanguard - Black Messiah
  7. Sharon Van Etten - Are We There
  6. Damien Jurado - Brothers and Sisters of the Eternal Son

  5. Pure X - Angel
  4. Sun Kil Moon - Benji
  3. The War on Drugs - Lost in the Dream
  2. Run the Jewels - Run the Jewels 2
  1. Angel Olsen - Burn Your Fire for No Witness

i still care (best of 2011)

I will be honest with you...2011 is a year that I hope I never have to live through again. It's end is approaching just as quickly as it's beginning but in-between there has been much loss, much hardship, much joy and much growth, all of which has caused time to both stand still while simultaneously traveling at the speed of light. In 2011 I lost my home and all of my material possessions. I literally watched the building burn. I rode the waves of fear and joy as I learned that I would become a father, wholly unexpected. I endured difficult self-reflection in preparation for a career in the mental health field. All of these things slowly came together, building on each other in small ways until they became one large lump in my throat. My world has changed and continues to slowly evolve. This is not a bad thing. In fact, I'm grateful for it (except for maybe the whole losing everything I own part). It's just an incredibly difficult transition, which I do not have the words to adequately describe. On the other side, which I can now see from here, there is a lifetime of restoration, forgiveness and more joy. Much more joy.

Throughout this year I have felt the presence of two unwavering sources of life: love and music. It has been the love of God, so tangible that I felt as if I could reach out and touch it sometimes, that has lifted me. The love of family and friends and of co-workers and strangers has changed me and caused me to feel a gratefulness deeper than I knew was possible. And whlie I wouldn't go so far as to say that a DJ saved my life, the music of this year has grounded me, provided an outlet for my emotions and given my thoughts, struggles and triumphs a soundtrack. So, while I have not had as much time to spend here as I would have liked it is certainly not due to a lack of interest. I still listen. I still care. And I still enjoy making lists.

So, here is a list. It includes my 50 favorite albums from the past year. I was tempted to write something about each of them but I quickly realized that I don't have the time. I suppose that speaks to the regret I hold from not writing about these records during the year. At any rate, they'll go in descending order, each one will link to a song and I'll include some videos. Here's to pretending you're important!

50. Braids - Native Speaker
49. The Decemberists - The King is Dead
48. David Bazan - Strange Negotiations
47. The Caretaker - An Empty Bliss Beyond This World
46. Jay-Z & Kanye West - Watch the Throne



45. EMA - Past Life Martyred Saints
44. Suuns - Zeroes QC
43. Denison Witmer - The Ones Who Wait
42. Low - C'Mon
41. Wilco - The Whole Love



40. SBTRKT - SBTRKT
39. Anna Calvi - Anna Calvi
38. The Black Keys - El Camino
37. Feist - Metals
36. Clams Casino - Instrumental Mixtape



35. Iron & Wine - Kiss Each Other Clean
34. Various Artists - Norman OST
33. Colin Stetson - New History Warfare, Vol. 2: Judges
32. Washed Out - Within and Without
31. Atlas Sound - Parallax



30. The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart - Belong
29. Radiohead - The King of Limbs
28. Cass McCombs - Wit's End
27. Neon Indian - Era Extraña
26. Oddisee - Rock Creek Park



25. Tom Waits - Bad As Me
24. Toro Y Moi - Underneath the Pine
23. The Roots - undun
22. Shabazz Palaces - Black Up
21. Zola Jesus - Conatus

20. Bright Eyes - The People's Key

19. Destroyer - Kaputt
18. The Psychic Paramount - II
17. James Blake - James Blake
16. Pure X - Pleasure



15. Thao & Mirah - Thao & Mirah
14. Real Estate - Days
13. Battles - Gloss Drop
12. Lykke Li - Wounded Rhymes
11. Yuck - Yuck

10. The Weeknd - House of Balloons
9. The War On Drugs - Slave Ambient

8. M83 - Hurry Up, We're Dreaming

7. St. Vincent - Strange Mercy

6. Wye Oak - Civilian

5. The Antlers - Burst Apart

4. Frank Ocean - Nostalgia, Ultra

3. tUnE-yArDs - w h o k i l l

2. Bon Iver - Bon Iver

1. Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues